my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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