My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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