I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
