After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
