literally had 100 drinks last night.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
