Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize