I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
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Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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