brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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