I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
