um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
