you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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