oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
false alarm, still single
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