Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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