I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm both gender and math confused
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
