how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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