M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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