just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
