singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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