Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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