Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
