3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
