there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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