Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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