I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My breasts were aching with rage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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