Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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