She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
