moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
