Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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