You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
