You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
