nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
