It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
