Duck Duck Cougar?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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