i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
