She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
