I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
