update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
