Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
