dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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