Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
