Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i walk over a car last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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