I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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