i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
