I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
