So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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