we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You took a bar mat shot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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