Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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