we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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