then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
