I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
