Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
