Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
