Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Shame - the story of my life.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
