just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
