Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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