If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
