I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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