oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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