the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
