:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
