My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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